The Professor is perfectly right of course - some scientists even suspect that tattooing, aside from just being a very intimate act for goths, might actually be directly involved in their procreation. Unfortunately, goth sexuality isn’t very well understood yet, research on the subject being made very difficult by the fact that most research facilities feature white, clinical, brightly lit interiors - just the kind of surroundings that goths naturally shun. Another difficult research problem regards baiting - there are few proven types of bait that lure only goths, without any bycatch of emoes.

But science always progresses - a hopeful development regarding goth research is the development of the GothTag ©. This GPS-based tagging device comes in the shape of a silver earring of an upturned cross, surmounted by skulls - scientist hope that his new tag will not be rejected by goths as the more conventional tags usually were (which the captured goths typically removed immediately after awakening - very melodramatically - from narcosis). With this new tag, scientist might finally be able to map out goth migration routes more thoroughly, which could hopefully lead some day to the discovery of their as yet unknown spawning grounds.

Goth research remains dangerous, of course - one step out of the stainless steel cage that is usually used for it, and a scientists risks a sudden ambush by a ravenous horde of goths intent to make them one of their own, or as close as it gets: a mad scientist doing unholy research in some ruined mansion inhabited by deformed servants and strangely seductive, pale, black-clad undead. (Unfortunately, these newly-mad scientist tend to focus their research on classic topics such as world domination or trying to destroy anything that is light and good, rather than furthering research in goth sexuality, something they would be in the perfect position to do.)

And yeah, I know: Mopey retells that scene a bit differently that it was originally depicted. Either she didn’t hear Gregory’s ‘final’ words, or she didn’t consider them suffeciently world-weary to warrant committing to memory.

More on Thursday.