Ta-dah! The “Souvlaki Queen” has survived the maelstrom after all! Our heroes are safe and sound and sane! Well, or at least safe and sound. Well, or at the very least not much worse off than usual. You get the general idea.

Yeah, this would have been the perfect opportunity to dispatch all of them at once, but let’s face it - a plot culminating in dead heroes would be far too artsy for this sort of movie. Evil is vanquished, righteousness (or at least sanctimony) triumphs, and the heroes survive through seemingly insurmountable odds. For a conservative filmmaker like Nolan Nobucks, letting evil win is simply no option - after all, how would you be able to tell movies apart from real life if you did? Well, I mean, if you don’t consider George Geekish’s special effects, which are a dead certain way of doing that.

Naturally, the Professor is the first to recover from the tumbling about that the little ship suffered - he’s old, so he wasn’t tumbled about as hard as the others out of respect for his advanced age. He immediately goes on to overlook pressing details to take a look at the big picture, as is his prerogative - although I think he’s kidding himself when he acts as if he had much of a choice what to make of his recent experiences. Lillytown U is in dire straits, financially, due to the large number of tuition-paying students lost to the recent zombie outbreak - as long as Dean Martin has anything to say about it, and he has, it’ll definitely be the NatGeo speical, rather than the monography. It pays a lot better and offers more opportunities for plugging Lillytown U. So Professor Dr.’s heart will be happy, and his mind will remain as cynical about human nature as ever.

More on Thursday.